I was doing a health n safety/security patrol at a multi-day music festival, doing a walk-around in a field used as a parking area. All looked well so I stopped to have a breather when this naked guy pops out of some tall perimeter grass. He was very high, completely sunburned (and a ginger at that) … and sporting a really huge boner. I mean big. Like a horse cock. And he asks me if I’ve got any water with me.

So I walk over and find his equally high, sunburned, and totally nude female companion laying in the dirt, and she starts giggling her face off while thanking me for “saving” them.

I had a supply pack with me so I gave them each a bottle of water and tried to convince them to get out of the sun and seek shelter. But as soon as they downed the water, they started fucking right on the ground, right in front of me.

So I proceeded to pull out my spray sunblock and explained loud and slow to them that I was going to spray them down (which I did while they continued their boinking). I finished up, left another bottle of water by them, and then walked a bit away to give them some privacy while I radioed the situation and location in to the festival paramedics.

I will never forget how big that boner was and I hope it was spared peeling from that terrible sunburn. Ouch.