Unfortunately, my birthday has always been the lousiest day of the year. It all began on the day of my actual birth… Both of my parents failed to show up. *By the age of 5, I was forced to throw my own surprise party… at* Gunther Goat Cheese’s *: The goat-cheesiest place in all of Druselstein. Many of my closest friends were there: Count Wolfgang, Betty the She-Boar, Ratputin, and the licekins,* Olga and Chicago Joe. But one should never walk the paths of Druselstein. With uncovered Doonkelberry cake, lest the Doonkelberry bats swarm.