FUCK THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS OR WHATEVER PSYCHO OF A RETARD INVENTED WHITE BREAD! SHIT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY OR NUTRITIONAL VALUE OF ANY KIND! ITS JUST FUCKING LAYERED AND BUBBLY PAPER USED TO DO NOTHING BUT GIVE STRUCTURE TO FOODS LIKE HAM AND CHEESE! IT DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING TASTE GOOD AND THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE BUY IT IS BECAUSE ITS CHEAP! IF I REALLY WANTED TO EAT SOMETHING THAT TASTES REMOTELY GOOD I WOULD MIX PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IN A CUP AND DRINK IT! AT LEAST WHOLE WHEAT BREAD HAS SOME STRUCTURAL BALANCE AND NUTRITION UNLIKE ITS COUSIN WITH DOWN-SYNDROME! I SWEAR TO GOD THE ONLY REASON THE SHIT EXISTS IS FOR BREAD CRUMBS! A DISORGANIZED CHAOS USED TO EAT A HOTDOG WHEN YOUR TOO BROKE TO BUY REGULAR BUNS! IT’S LIKE A BURGER BUN EXCEPT WITHOUT THE CRUST ISTG! I WALK UP TO MY PANTRY TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING TO EAT AND THE ONLY EDIBLE THING ASIDE FROM CORN IS A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH WITH WHITE BREAD! THE SHIT DOESN’T EVEN FILL YOU UP SO NOW I’M STUCK HERE FOR THE NEXT 2 HOURS WITH NOTHING TO EAT! THE SAD PART IS THAT EVEN WHOLE WHEAT BREAD HAS A DECENT TEXTURE IN YOUR MOUTH UNLIKE WHITE BREAD WHICH JUST FUCKING MELTS UPON CONTACT! EVEN IF YOU TOAST IT THE SHIT JUST SHRIVELS MORE THAN A RAISIN! THE ISSUE IS THE FACT THAT NO MATTER HOW RECENTLY YOU GOT IT THERE’S ALWAYS LIKE 4 SLICES LEFT EVERY TIME SO YOU CANT EVEN MAKE ENOUGH TO SUFFICE FOR ANY MORE THAN A HALF HOUR WITHOUT DYING OF STARVATION! SHIT PROVIDES YOU WITH LITTLE TO NO ENERGY EITHER IT JUST MAKES YOU QUESTION WHY THE FUCK YOU DECIDED TO EAT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! THE THING THAT PISSES ME OFF THOUGH IS THE FACT PEOPLE BE EATING IT PLAIN AND I JUST SIT THERE WATCHING THEM AND QUESTION WHY THEIR PARENTS DIDN’T HAVE A DECENT SET OF TASTE BUDS! HOW TASTELESS COULD A MAN POSSIBLY BE TO THINK EATING SOME OF THE WORST SHIT ON EARTH IS HEALTHY LET ALONE VALID TO ANY EXTENT?! THE ONLY EXCEPTION I HAVE TO PEOPLE WHO EAT WHITE BREAD IS IF UR ALLERGIC TO GLUTEN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT SHIT IS! WHITE BREAD REALLY HASN’T HAD AN UPDATE SINCE THE 1600’S HUH? IT JUST GOES TO SHOW HOW STUPID THIS SOCIETY REALLY IS IN TERMS OF CHOICE OF FOOD! I’M SERIOUS WHEN I SAY THAT WHITE BREAD IS THE NEXT WORST THING JUST BELOW BAT SOUP! IN ALL SERIOUSNESS THOUGH I WANT 1 GENUINELY PRACTICAL USE FOR THIS SHIT BECAUSE I’M ACTUALLY LOST AS TO HOW IN THE EVERLASTING FUCK SOMEONE LABELED THIS AS GOD TIER FOOD AND PROCEEDED TO PASS THE “NOBELITY” OF IT DOWN TO MODERN TIMES SO WE CAN PROCEED TO USE IT IN THE WORLD ALL TIME LAMEST WAYS. IM PRETTY DAMN CONFIDENT THAT EVERY RECIPE EVER MADE INCLUDING WHITE BREAD IS BORING AS SHIT. LIKE WHO HAS THE PATIENCE TO WASTE A LOAF OF WHITE BREAD FOR SOME SPECTACULAR 1800’S DINNER WHILST ALSO MAKING IT LOOK GOOD BECAUSE IF YOU COMBINE THAT SHIT WITH ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING OTHER THAN MEAT CHEESE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY, OR FLUFF IT WILL EITHER BE SOGGY OR DOWNRIGHT DISGUSTING WITH NO EXCEPTIONS. NONETHELESS COMBINE IT WITH ANY OTHER VALID FOOD WHICH PEOPLE WILL ENJOY! ITS LIKE SALTINE CRACKERS EXCEPT WORSE! YOU CAN DIP A

SALTINE CRACKER IN SOUP BUT WHAT ABOUT FOR WHITE BREAD?! LIKE DAMN EVEN SALTINES HAVE THE FLAVOR OF SALT! WHITE BREAD JUST TASTES LIKE THE EMPTINESS IN MY HEART WHEN I’M DEPRESSED IF NOT THEN BLANDER! I’M GENUINELY SURPRISED THOUGH AS TO HOW IT’S APPARENTLY BEEN A PRAISED FOOD SOURCE FOR CENTURIES ON END AS IF IT’S SOME KIND OF MIRACLE FOOD! ALL IT IS, IS JUST FACTORY AND MASS PRODUCED BULLSHIT! SOMEHOW THE SHIT IS SO FUCKING SOFT IT GETS WET ***WHILE SEALED IN THE BAG IT CAME IN!*** WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE THE UTTER DISGUST INCONVENIENCE AND STUPIDITY OF SUCH A POINTLESS WASTE OF WHEAT! LIKE I’D RATHER YOU USE IT FOR FLOUR TO MAKE ANY BAKING GOOD WHICH IS INSURMOUNTABLY BETTER THAN THE GOD FORSAKEN WHITE BREAD WHICH I WILL ETERNALLY DESPISE! WHITE BREAD LITERALLY IS THE FUCKING DEFINITION OF DIABETES SLICED! I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY ANYBODY ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET WOULD DARE TO EVEN MAKE IT. I MEAN THIS WAS PROBABLY A MASTERPIECE OF A FOOD BACK IN 200 BC WHEN EVERYTHING FOOD RELATED WAS SHIT BUT ITS SO FUCKING POINTLESS AS A FOOD AS OF CURRENTLY! I’M SO DESPERATELY BAFFLED AS TO HOW THIS WAS EVEN APPROVED BY THE FDA, BUT ONE THING IS FOR CERTAIN; THAT WHITE BREAD DESERVES TO BE KEPT AND BURNED IN THE TOMB OF ITS CREATOR AND BE FORGOTTEN FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY! I’D HONESTLY PREFER BUGS RATHER THAN EAT SOMETHING SO BLAND, SO BORING, SO UTTERLY USELESS THAT A 75 YEAR OLD COULDN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN IT AND MARSHMALLOWS! LIKE IN ALL HONESTLY IF IT COULD DO ANYTHING AT ALL IT WOULD BE TO STEAL THE FLAVOR OF FOOD AND MAKE YOU WANNA THROW UP EATING IT! THE ONLY THING THAT CAN BE OF EVEN SLIGHT RELEVANCE TOWARD ITS DESCRIPTION WOULD BE GOD FORSAKENLY WRETCHED AND IF ABSOLUTELY ANYBODY DISAGREES WITH ME YOU CAN GO BACK TO EATING BOILED POTATOES! WHITE BREAD IS LITERALLY THE MINIMALIST OF ANY AND EVERY FOOD! IF IT WAS A PERSON IT WOULD PROBABLY BE A BIGGER SOCIALLY REJECTED FAILURE THAN MYSELF AND IM A 17 YEAR OLD PERVERTED FURRY WHO HUGS PEOPLE AT RANDOM! LIKE MAKE NO MISTAKE THAT I HAVE FRIENDS WHO MOSTLY CARE FOR MY EXISTANCE BUT COMPARED TO WHITE BREAD I’D BE ON A FUCKING PEDESTAL! LIKE HOLY SHIT I’D RATHER EAT GRASS. HELL IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN REPLACING RAMEN NOODLE PACKETS WITH ADOBO AND EATING IT ON ITS OWN! I’VE NEVER HAD WHITE RICE BUT HONESTLY ACCORDING TO PEOPLE IT HAS SOME NATURAL FLAVOR AND ISN’T MORE BLAND THAN FUCKING CONCRETE BUT EVEN STILL I’D SAY CONCRETE HAS MORE FLAVOR AND ESPECIALLY STRENGTH, LIKE IF YOU TAKE A SLICE OF WHITE BREAD TO USE AS A REPLACEMENT FOR A HOTDOG BUN THE SHIT WILL SPLIT IN HALF AND MANAGE TO GET SOGGY BECAUSE OF THE ALREADY DRY CHICKEN HOTDOG IT WAS MADE FOR AND THATS WITHOUT THE CONDIMENTS! WHITE BREAD LITERALLY IS THE FUCKING DEFINITION OF SLICED DIABETES! I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW ANYBODY OF THE FACE OF GODS GREEN EARTH LIKES IT, LET ALONE EATS IT ON THE REGULAR! I SWEAR IF ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH IS MORE DEPRESSING THAN MYSELF THEN IT’S WHITE BREAD BECAUSE THE ONLY OTHER VALID EXCUSE FOR EATING IT IS IF YOUR AN AFRICAN CHILD WITH NOTHING LEFT TO EAT BUT GRASS OR AGAIN, IF YOUR RUN OUT OF HOT DOG BUNS! I DON’T CARE WHAT VALID EVIDENCE YOU HAVE TO PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF WHITE BREAD AS ANYTHING MORE THAN ACCEPTABLE OR EVEN “NEEDS IMPROVEMENT” LIKE MY GRADES IN 3RD GRADE THEN YOU HAVE JUST USED UP YOUR LAST 6 BRAINCELLS SCROLLING THROUGH TIK TOK OR STARTING DRAMA THROUGHOUT YOUR SCHOOL! THAT OR YOU SNORTED AN ENTIRE COCAINE BLOCK AND ARE PREACHING WHY HITLER WAS JEWISH! MOREOVER DARE I MENTION WHAT THE SHIT IT’S MADE WITH? IT’S MADE FROM OVER PROCESSED FLOUR WHICH HAS HAD ALL THE NATURAL AND HEALTHY ELEMENTS REMOVED FROM IT, WATER, SALT, AND YEAST AND OCCASIONALLY SUGAR IN REPLACEMENT FOR SALT! IT ONLY GOES TO SHOW HOW UTTERLY FUCKING BASIC IT IS BUT ALSO THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT THEY PUT IN TO MAKE BREAD IN ITS UNHEALTHIEST STATE! DON’T GET ME WRONG THAT THERE ARE SOME TYPES OF GOOD WHITE BREAD WHICH ARE CONVENTIONAL BUT FOR THE PACKAGED WHITE BREAD ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS WHY?! WHY MUST YOU EXIST TO PLAGUE ME AND ALL WHOLE WHEAT BREAD ENJOYERS?!