I don’t EVER want to see your face nor your trash opinions on this subreddit ever again. You are the scum of the Earth, the mud that clings to the bottom of my boot. The only impact that you will ever make is for the world’s largest coffin when your 10 ton-ass keels over and dies from a heart attack. People wouldn’t have even noticed your death if it wasn’t for your bloated corpse hitting the ground and registering as a magnitude 15 earthquake. After the devastation researches will enter the origin of the quakes, your parent’s basement where you had long ago isolated yourself from the world, perpetuating your useless existence by eating large rats and cockroaches. Outside of the house, the researchers had already become aware of the foul smell emanating from it. Inside, though, it was poisonous, many weak researchers collapsing and suffocating from the smell of rancid flesh and stale semen, the concoction liquefying their lungs, the rest quickly putting on masks. They push on and reach the end of the stairs. The lead researcher, a brave and wonderful man who had led many great humanitarian efforts and single handedly saved the Earth from an extinction event, signaled for the group to halt. There, obscured by darkness and submerged in an ungodly potion of feces, bloody sperm, and piss, is your corpse. Your body lay to the side of the steel-supported throne which had supported your grotesque frame for so long, folds upon folds of necrotic flesh that extend to the ceiling and grip both ends of the room. The throne faces a flickering television screen that has a thick layer of solidified semen on it which displays what was probably your last memory before your death, loli porn and shadman trap comics.

 The sight becoming apparent, all of the researchers except the lead vomit into their masks. The lead is a strong-willed man, but even he is nauseous at the monstrosity that he faces. He briefly wondered how one could exist in such conditions for so long, to subject themselves to such decadence and self-harm. Their existence confined almost entirely to the digital world, the only physical feeling they ever felt would be engaging in sexual gratification and gluttony. They almost exist in a separate reality than ours.

 He violently shook the idea from his head and set his eyes forward, steeling his will. As the others stood shocked into submission, he began marching through the rank liquid.

 Nearing the corpse he began to feel a strange feeling in his legs, or lack thereof. Lifting up one of his legs, he stared at glossy, clean bone. He continued to stare as, to his great disbelief, the liquid began rapidly running up his legs, to his torso, all around his body, searing the clothes and flesh from his body. The researchers on the steps choked out in their vomit-filled masks for him to come back, that he was to die if he stayed there.

 The lead researcher recognised that he was already dead, as dead as the corpse he was going to investigate. He held up his hand to silence them, now skeletal as the hungry liquid worked its way around his body. “I want you all to know that it was a pleasure to work with you all. Together, we cured the incurable, stopped the unstoppable. It was a wonderful experience. I wish that I could stay with you all, but i’m sure you recognise my predicament,” the liquid was working faster now, growing more ravenous as he continued. “You guys don’t need to tell my wife and kids that I love them, they already know that. Just give them all tight hugs, I know that would comfort them. Make sure to wish my daughter happy birthday, it is her 13th birthday tomorrow after all, do it even if you feel that it is inappropriate, you guys will just have to stand in for me haha… Oh, while you’re there make sure to scratch and play with my dog Lucy. She’s pretty playful and I know that she is going to be lonely for a while after i’m gone.”

 He turned away from his colleagues and faced the corpse. A thought ran through his mind. Centralised in this basement is possibly the greatest juxtaposition in history. Soon there will be two corpses. One of these corpses is considered to be the greatest man on Earth, the one who cured countless disease, brought world peace among nations, and saved the world from the comet Telos, among other achievements. The other corpse could be ranked among the greatest villains in history, despite his seeming insignificance, causing a destructive earthquake that killed tens of thousands and killing the proclaimed greatest man on Earth. He had absolutely no positive impact on the world while his impact was entirely positive. He found humour in the comparison and he would have laughed if he had any muscles on his jaw left.

 He was just happy that he died instead of one of his friends, and that was his final thought.