I am obsessed with butts, they’re all I can think about when I’m in public. The grocery store, on the sidewalk, in line at the airport, I’m always aware of every single fit booty within a 50 ft radius around my balls and sack. The first thing I do when I enter any room or walk down an aisle in a store is scan for butts and if I find a good one then I will formulate a quick strategy for looking at that butt as much as possible in a reasonable time frame, of course so as not to seem like a weirdo. I never say anything to the butts owner, I never make more than normal eye contact and a brief smile perhaps, my only goal is to rack up the amount of time that my eyeballs absorb the light that is bouncing off of quality butts. I’m fucking consumed by this and the force that powers my affliction or gift is seemingly never ending.

This lady has a primetime butt. Yoga pants are the only proof a god might exist.