Hi everyone. Look, I’m not one to go off, but even after a few hours after it happened, I can’t not talk about this.
I am DONE with young drivers in crossovers. I was in Portland yesterday on the 304 exit ramp off I-5 in my GT-Four heading towards Fred Meyers and I was stopped waiting to do a left turn from the center left turn lane. Well, there’s two left turn lanes and there was a black Lexus crossover in the lane next to me, meaning they would have to take the lane closest to the center yellow once the turn is complete. Look, I have faith in most drivers, and I know that the most SIMPLE thing anyone can remember to do is keep their lane when they make a turn through an intersection. But thank god I didn’t have any faith in people that day, I decide to actually look over at who’s in the Lexus:
Some art hoe, discount Lorde looking ass brat is driving, and just gawking at some shit on the passenger girl’s phone. I already thought “Oh hell no, I’m just gonna get through the turn and keep an eye in them because I have a feeling they’re going to do some dumb shit”
So the light turns green and I get to turn left, as do they, and I start to give the Celica some throttle and the turbo starts to spool (it spools early, I wasn’t trying to launch it I was just getting ready to shift gears). As I do, I can see the girl in the Lexus getting into her lane right next to me and I take a quick sigh of relief thinking “That’s great, she knows what she’s doing.”
I spoke too soon. I still kept my eye on them just as I see the girl just mouthbreathing and making a BEE LINE TOWARDS MY CAR WHILE SHE’S STARING OFF SOMEWHERE ABOVE ME. She gets ahead of me because I was just about to shift, and starts closing in on me, and I’m trapped between her and her piece of shit year model leased obese crossover and the high curb on the bridge. I honk the absolute shit out of my car, I think I almost hit it hard enough for the airbag to go off, and oh my god you guys.
This bitch, THIS BITCH, IS SO SPOOKED THAT SHE JUST DOES JAZZ HANDS AND SCREAMS LOUD WITH HER EYES CLENCHED SHUT, AND HER PASSENGER JUST “nyeh” SWIPES AT HER STEERING WHEEL. I hit my brakes and pray I don’t get rear ended instead, and thankfully I didn’t get rear ended, but I see the Lexus coast into my lane ahead of me before the driver collects her senses again and whips the piece of shit back into her lane. That fucking body on the Lexus swayed like a bobblehead let me tell you.
This whole time, she didn’t even see ME. Her passenger did, I saw her look over, and I think that’s what saved me from getting crunched between her car and the curb since she knew immediately to turn away from me, but the driver fucking bothers me. They drive real slow now, and I make it a point to get a good few car lengths in front of them so they can see that other drivers exist in vehicles of all shapes and sizes. They pull off heading into the nice college student neighborhood and I immediately realize they’re just some trust fund brats whose parents think it’s better to protect them from themselves by giving them a vehicle that’ll protect THEM in an accident, but not anyone else.
Fucking trust fund fuckhead. I swear to god I would have STOMPED all over her hysteric excuses and apologies if she fucked the GT-Four up over some petty idiotic shit like not looking to your right and not STAYING IN YOUR LANE. The car is nothing too special, but if she would have fucked the GT-Four up, her insurance would be looking at 18k for what my insurance agent and I agreed it was worth. Beyond that, a lot of us work hard for our cars regardless if they’re just a basic 4 door sedan or an exotic collectors car. It’s ridiculous that we’re all at risk of these dangerous drivers living in safety bubbles.
I’m fucking tired of these “Oh, let’s just get our idiot kid a bigger vehicle so that way when they inevitably crash they don’t fucking die,” ass parents getting their kids these cars. What the fuck about me? What the fuck about bikers or people in even weaker and smaller cars?
These kids need to be MADE to drive fucking shitboxes so they can at least learn how to drive better. They need the feeling of mortality to be a factor in their improvement, because nobody is going to be careful if they KNOW they’ll be alive after an accident. I get safety measures are a thing, what with how modern challenges are changing the way we drive, blah blah, but I’m fed up with these new drivers in crossovers. If you ask me, you need to have age or experience restrictions on these things just for the sake of emphasizing both maturity in driving habits as well as giving everyone a real taste of what it’s like to be at the mercy of other people on the road. None of this artificial “oops, you clipped your bumper” bullshit.
God forbid, GOD FORBID it ever happens, but if it does happen, I’m calling it now: The GT-Four is going to be totaled by a crossover, and bonus points if it’s some dumbshit Birkenstock wearing, Starbucks drinking ass mouthbreather driving the crossover when it happens.
Keep kids out of crossovers. If they don’t kill someone, they’re definitely going to bore a hole in your pocket when they inevitable fuck everything up. But sure, be glad your “little angel” can still pull into the driveway at the end of the day. Albeit crooked, and they didn’t see the cat in time to stop.