“There comes a time in almost every dishwasher’s life where he does some dumb shit in the dish pit. Freestylin, jackin off during rush hour, the fattest fuckn line I ever witnessed, nothing surprises me here anymore. These people are insane. And more times than not, it doesn’t work out for em’, they slip up after a while and we get to fire the retards before their first paycheck hits.
That’s actually what defines whether or not we fire em’ here, we call it ‘multitasking under pressure.’ Sometimes we’ll fire em due to an ~inability to perform~ but everyone knows that’s code for Being A Goddamn Retard On The Clock. One time a guy had a cheese grater in his hand when I gave him his pink slip in the middle of his shift. I swear to this day I’ve never been more afraid for my life, the man came at me with a goddamn cheese grater. And I admit, I cackled a lil’ while I jabbed him with my paring knife, but this motherfucker tried shredding my left eyebrow and to this DAY it hasn’t grown back correctly. I will NEVER work restaurant managment again and Mother™ still mentions it every time she has dinner in my one-bedroom shithole apartment. Now what do you want from me again? Oh yeah, a slimy turkey club and a 75 cent low-sodium mayo packet. Will that be all today sir?”