First off I’d like to say that I know I view the Middle Ages with rose tinted glasses. I romanticize it and have no way of knowing what it was actually like. Still, I somehow long for it.

I’m really obsessed with history. I watch a lot of those period dramas that take place in the late medieval or early modern era. I read and watch fantasy that takes place in that time. I study medieval history and I spend hours a day reading about it.

I also obsess over anything that still has a link to the Middle Ages: titles of nobility, Royals, old castles, old family names, ancient European cities etc. I get very sad when I hear that a connection is gone or an old use is gone. For instance I learned that there were no more dukes living in the Netherlands and that made me sad.

I’m American and we don’t have old castles and stuff so I always dream of going to Europe and think if I could just spend time in a castle I’d be happy. If I’m ever rich I’ll build myself a small castle and buy a barony or something. That’s how obsessed I am. That I would buy myself a meaningless title.

I don’t feel happy in this era. I want to wear medieval stuff all the time because it feels soothing. I just wear the skirts really but it helps me feel at ease. Sometimes I cry because I live in this era. I don’t care about the plague or bad sewage. I just want to leave this time which feels so overwhelming and live in medieval Europe.

TL;DR; I have the most cringy basement dweller problem. I long for the Middle Ages and obsess over it. It makes me feel depressed.