My hamster, Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth, has been displaying frightening behavior lately. It’s the kind of thing I might expect from Alan Rickman Willis the Second, but never in my wildest dreams from, Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth.

Two days ago I came home with the wrong food and that’s where it all began. Lately I’ve noticed that Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth has been putting on a little weight so I made a decision, without asking him, to buy Kaytee Fotri-Diet Pro Health Hamster Feed, instead of his favorite, Higgins Sunburst Gourmet Blend.

He took one bite and spit it out in disgust. I brought the bag up to the glass to show him the new brand, and as soon as he saw it was diet he became immediately offend and tipped over his hamster wheel in protest.

I was terrified to witness such a powerful display of violence and immediately ran away and out of the room before he turned his attention to me.

I felt bad for insinuating that Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth was overweight so I drew him a picture as an apology. I was still pretty shaken up from his actions in the room so my hand was trembling as I drew him a self-portrait. When I got to his stomach I decided to give him abs to boost his self-esteem but even though I spent 3 hours on the shading my quivering hands made it look more like jelly rolls than a six pack.

It wasn’t my best work, but I knew that Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth had a good heart and would appreciate the gesture. Nervously I opened the bedroom door and walked over to the hamster cage.

“Hi, Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth,” I said tepidly, “I drew you this picture I hope you like it.”

I opened the lid and slide it inside. He walked over and inspected it for a moment and my heart sank as I could tell he hated it. I put too much shading on his upper lip, and his eyes weren’t even, and the sight of it made him furious.

A moment later, to my utter horror, Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth went into a frenzied rage as he tore the picture to shreds right in front of me.

“NOOO! Please stop!” I screamed as hot tears poured from my cheeks, “Whhhhy?”

He did not answer, nor did he stop. I hid behind the bed, shaking like a leaf in fear of what he may do next. I’d never seen such anger in all my days.

I peered over the mattress and saw him staring at me through the glass.

I screamed and once again ran out of the room, knowing that no cage could hold Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth for long.

I grab my phone and the car keys and ran out of the house. I drove for hours before I worked up the courage to finally call the police.

“Hello? Police? I think Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth wants to hurt me. He is in my house right now.”

I gave them the address but haven’t gone home yet. I’m still so afraid he will find me when he gets out of jail. I think I have to move now and I don’t know what to do. If you’re reading this, Alan Rickman Willis the Fourth, I just want to say I’m sorry things had to end like this.