My favorite jump scare is from Lord of the Rings when Bilbo is like BLAHHH and scares Frodo so hard that they both start making out then blowing each other 69-style, then Gandalf busts in mad because they didn’t invite him to the spit roast, so then they start pounding Gandalf in all of his wizard holes and even some new holes that he creates with magical spells — and it’s right around that point that I realize I’m watching the porn version of the movie and the real jump scare is when my mom walks into the room just as Gandalf drowns Bilbo in a river of wizard nut and I’m scrambling to put on some clothes while screaming “I THOUGHT IT WAS THE DIRECTOR’S CUT! I DIDN’T KNOW MOM!” But she sends me to a gay conversion camp anyway where I end up having so much gay sex that I somehow get pregnant. Anyway I sold that baby to scientists and used the money to buy the other two movies in the porn trilogy so I can keep poppin nuts that jump scare my cat