Holy fucking shit. I’m a grown-ass 6’2” bearded mechanic who weighs 350 pounds and looks like a Viking. But when I read this joke, I started laughing so hard that huge salty tears began to pour down my eyes into my mane of facial hair. I literally spit my diet Mountain Dew in a gushing fountain all over my keyboard and I also urinated myself so hard that it started to attract houseflies. My face turned as red as Mars and I couldn’t even breathe. I fell to the floor, gasping and choking until a mix of pleghm and spittle burst through my nose and joined the urine and Mountain Drew in a lake of biological fluids on the carpet.