There is SO MUCH more to cornditioning than “keeping the popcorn warm” as you put it. If all it did was “warm” the popcorn, it would just be called a heater. A cornditioner not only warms the popcorn, it also controls the humidity levels within the glass encasement and regulates the air flow to ensure even warming. This is vital because you don’t just have popcorn in there, you also have oil and flavoring, which are very sensitive to changes in temperature and humidity, and these can lead to off flavors.

A great deal of thought goes into cornditioning and then you, probably some high school kid, look at the button and snicker and think it’s just some fancy word for heater. Go ahead, put your popcorn in a heater and deal with burned pieces and rancid oil and then see if you think a cornditioner is just a heater.

You people just coast through your cushy lives so sure that everything is going to turn out just fine for you because somebody has catered to your every whim since you were infants. Without the ability to pass a basic calculus course, you use cell phones and computers and internet networks, and you blithely stuff your faces with popcorn and you call the cornditioner a heater because YOU ARE IGNORANT. YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT, NO INKLING of the thought that went into cornditioning, of the massive technical problems that had to be overcome, how men with intellects so far beyond your own sweated and slaved to provide the cornditioning upon which your moviegoing experience is based. You have NO CLUE, NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST NOTION of the ecstasies and horrors that these men have experienced, the worlds they have seen in their cornditioning journeys because YOU ARE STUPID LITTLE CHILDREN WHO NEED THE SPITTLE WIPED FROM YOUR MEWLING LITTLE LIPS. IT IS US, THE SCIENTISTS AND THE ENGINEERS AND THE CORNDITIONERS WHO HAVE BUILT THIS PLAYGROUND FOR YOU DULLED-EYED LITTLE SHITS TO AMUSE YOURSELVES IN, AND YOU LACK THE FUCKING AWARENESS TO EVEN RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORNDITIONER AND A HEATER. WELL, ONE DAY, YOU FATTED LITTLE CATTLE, YOUR PLAYWORLD COME CRUMBLING DOWN AND YOU WILL SQUEAL AND WHINE BUT WE WILL NOT HELP YOU. NO. WE WILL LAUGH AT YOUR SUFFERING. LAUGH AT YOUR STUPIDITY. LAUGH AS YOU WALLOW HELPLESSLY IN YOUR BURNED AND UNDERHEATED KERNELS.