You need some sympathy. Tosserism is a serious problem with high level football players.

Seriously.

You’re a nobody cunt that plays a bit of footy, then you get signed, and *BOSH!* You’re a nobody cunt that plays a bit of footy on a hundred grand a month.

Next thing you know you’re rolling on the floor because last week you got caught by one of the tabloids fucking two brasses in a Mayfair hotel whilst your ~~golddigging~~ doting wife was at home ~~blowing the tennis coach~~ waiting patiently for you, and there you are, desperately needing to justify that 100k. So you do the needful and take a dive from a harmless flick ‘o’ the ear, just so you can cop a penalty for your melodrama, and impress upon the manager what a savvy cunt you are.

That’s when it hits you: You’ve contracted Tosserism, and it’s terminal.

Poor bastard.

Sauce:
http://reddit.com/r/PeopleFuckingDying/comments/6qayp1/xpost_rfunny_dutch_soccer_player_almost_dies/dkw3rtm