Today I had my anal virginity taken by a traffic cone

Yes, this is real. Let me start from the beginning. There’s currently a bit of construction going on around my school, hence the traffic cones. But these aren’t your normal traffic cones, they’re like almost four feet tall. Maybe, I haven’t measured, but it’s somewhere between three and four feet. Anyways, I was walking by the cones with some of my friends, and usually I jump over them. (which is why I’m not sure if they’re four feet tall) When I usually jump over them, I get a nice hop and spread my legs apart to clear it, to add an element of risk. Really don’t want to smack my nutsack on that thing. Anyways, today I decided to jump over one of the cones, just a random one. Well it just so happened that there was a slight dip in the spot I jumped from, making the jump a little more difficult. What happened next is completely true. The crotch of my pants caught on the tip of the traffic cone, knocking it over while I jumped over. In that second, my life flashed before my eyes. And I thought “Well I guess no kids”, but it’s fine because it’s not like anyone would be attracted to me in the first place. I really lucked out right here. The traffic cone did not hit my genitals, but rather my asshole. Then the tip of the traffic cone penetrated me by about an inch, through my pants. Not long, maybe a few milliseconds. Then it slipped back out. And then I landed. Fortunately, by cock and balls and penis and nuts and dick were still intact. My friends looked at me, amazed at how I was still standing. I said to them, probably the gayest thing I’ve ever said. (I’m not gay by the way. But I am not homophobic.) “Don’t worry, my dick and balls are fine! It only penetrated my rectum!” Overall, not a fun experience, but I would take a traffic cone in my ass any day to save my pp. Overall, bad experience, 2/10. Unless you’re into that shit.

TL;DR I jumped over a tall traffic cone, failed, traffic cone went in ass, dick and balls still intact.

Also sorry for formatting. Mobile.