1. Day 1 – You watch morbius. Instantly love it.

2. Day 5 – Improved motivation and productivity. You feel as a whole a stronger human being

3. Day 30 – Greater confidence and self-esteem. Mental clarity. Youre able to perfectly recite the script Day 60 – Increased muscle mass, bone density, and cardiovascular capacity. Testosterone through the roof. Women start talking

4. Day 120 – Higher sperm count. Increased erection strength and duration. You’ve now memorised the choreography of the entire movie, you can execute the stunts and movements performed to a tee

5. Day 365 – Your voice deepens, and your skull becomes more chad-like. Increased erection girth and length. Day 1500 – Your ex wants to get back together. You feel tempted but ultimately turn her down. You need more time to watch morbius.

6. Day 3000 – You can’t keep up with all your tinder matches. Strange women begin hitting on you in public. You worry about your female boss. Fortunately, she keeps it professional.

7. Day 6000 – Ex shows up at your door crying and begging you to take her back. You don’t even make eye contact—just call the police right away. Your female boss quits. She can’t take it anymore and fears what she might do to you if she stays.

8. Day 12000 – Every swipe on tinder is a match. Even girls you swipe left get matched with you somehow. Romantic messages fill up your inbox every day—all 15gb of it—you upgrade your Gmail account to premium.

9. Day 100,000 – Your IQ increases by several morbillion. You come up with a workable model of quantum gravity in a rainy Sunday afternoon. Elon Musk steps down from SpaceX to work for you. You decide to put space exploration on hold to focus on achieving clean energy through nuclear fusion.

10. Day 200,000 – You’ve solved the problem of nuclear fusion. You also solved the problems of climate change, poverty, crime, and racism. You have been elected the very first President of the World.