First of all, allow me to lay my credentials before you. I’m a privately educated upper class English ~~twit~~ person. My education included things like deportment, how long a skirt should be, how to correctly tie a tie, t4and he difference between a French and a turnback cuff, among others.

I know how to dress for any occasion, I know which fork and which glass to use for any course, I know what wines to serve with what dishes, I know how to eat soup correctly, and how to eat escargot.

So it’s with a large degree of confidence that I say that **90% of the people here have not the slightest clue what Etiquette is, yet you answer questions as if you were an authority on the subject.**

Etiquette isn’t about good manners, or what is or isn’t rude. Etiquette is a very specific set of rules that deals with socialising with a certain class of people.

It’s not rude or bad manners to wear a skirt above your knee, but it is bad etiquette.

It’s not bad manners to wear a long coat that’s shorter than your skirt, but it is bad etiquette.

It’s not bad manners to offer even a total stranger some cake. It is very bad etiquette to offer it to a member of the royal family.

It’s not bad manners or rude in any way to put your arms around friends or strangers for a group photo. It is *extremely* bad etiquette to put your arm around an aristocrat or royal for a group photo.

**Manners and etiquette are not interchangeable. They are very different animals.**

Now personally I think 90% of etiquette is pretentious horseshit, but I was raised with this stuff, I know the rules so **if people ask a question in an etiquette forum, I will give you an etiquette answer,** assuming it actually is something that etiquette deals with.

It cannot tell you how to get your roommate to clear up after himself. Etiquette isn’t designed for that. It has nothing to do with that. You’re in the wrong place.

Etiquette is the difference between a theatrical curtsey and how to curtsey to royalty.

Etiquette taught me how to properly hold a door open, and that doesn’t mean just not letting it swing shut behind you. Holding a door open is a very specific set of actions that were laid out for me, step by step, on multiple occasions during my childhood.

It taught me how to address the different ranks of the aristocracy.

And it taught me how to start, sign off from, and address a letter to basically anyone of any level of familiarity and from any social class.

This is the sort of pedantic shit that etiquette deals with.

**Most people who come here have no clue what they’ve asked for, and most people who answer don’t know what they’re talking about re: etiquette. Then everyone gets all pissy and downvotes anyone who gives an actual “this is what etiquette dictates” reply to their question.** Even when I make it very clear that most of the time, observing these rules is not necessary, and even specify the very rare occasions when observing them is necessary and the rest of the time, you’re fine, people seem to get really upset that etiquette rules even exists.

So just ignore it and stop participating in an etiquette forum. Do you join dressage subs, then moan and downvote people because they aren’t talking about polo? That’s how idiotic you sound coming here, thinking that good manners are the same thing as good etiquette.

If you don’t even understand what etiquette is, then you have no business venturing an opinion on an etiquette forum.

Either that, or rename this place r/goodmanners, because that’s what most of you mean when you say etiquette.