“There is no shame in deterrence. Having a weapon is very different from actually using it. As I will soon show you.” Gandhi said, as he pulls a handgun on you. Before you can cry out for your guards, he pulls the trigger.

A sharp pain is felt in your shoulder, and fear grips your entire body. Gandhi looks at you calmly, the handgun still smoking. “Know that when you die, your people die with you. Not your wife, though.” From the corner of your eye, you see your wife walk up to Gandhi.

She rubs his strong, muscular torso, and looks at you, a mocking smile on her face. Gandhi continues. “Before I kill you, you should know something.” Gandhi leans towards you with a hateful gleam in his eye. “Carl was never your son. He was MINE.”

Before you can react, Gandhi shoots you in the throat. As you lay there gurgling, Gandi shoots your wife in the head, with the same deadpan expression. He stares into your soul as everything fades to black.

“Hey, you. You’re finally awake.” You open your eyes to see a relieved looking doctor stand over you. Your memory is hazy, but you remember… “My wife. Is she okay?”

The Doctor’s smile fades. “I’m sorry. Gandhi killed her during his escape.” “His Escape?”

The Doctor silently turns on the television.

“Shocking news from the capital, as our fair leader, Gilgamesh, was shot during negotiations by Mahatma Gandhi.”

“As you may know, Gandhi is the ruler of India, a once relatively peaceful nation. That is, until the Aztecs attacked.” You remember the Aztec wars. You remember the screams, the violence. And the bodies. Images that would haunt a lesser man.

But you had fought with India, not against it. Why would Gandhi want to kill you? Your attention returns to the television. “…During his escape, Gandhi had killed 27 people, including several guards and the first lady. He’s also kidnapped the royal heir, Carl Wheezer.”

“BASTARD!” You roar. It’s one thing to make an attempt on your life and kill your wife, but to kidnap your son? Your throat stings with pain “Sir, don’t shout, your throat!” The doctor was right. You decide to save your anger for the battle ahead. If Gandhi wants war, then he will have one.

Your attention returns to the T.V. There is a brief static, then you see the face of Gandhi, looking as calm as ever. “This is a message from Mahatma Gandhi, ruler of India. Foreigners, India is coming to kill you. Your babies are weak. Your women are weak. We will sow the seeds of doubt within your nation and then cleanse it with atomic fire. Resistance is futile.” The Television shows more static, then returns to the news.

Carl looked at his surroundings tentatively. The room he was in was sparse, and empty. His thoughts turned to Jimmy and Sheen. He hoped they were okay, and he hoped they could rescue him. Hell, he hoped anybody would rescue him, before…

The door was opened slowly, and Carl shielded his eyes from the rush of light. “Come, my son. It is time for dinner.” Carl meekly followed Gandhi out of his room, and to the dining room. He knew he couldn’t ask to go home. He saw what happened to the guards who tried to stop Gandhi. There wasn’t much left once Gandhi got mad.

The dining room was a grand and luxurious place. There were only two chairs, both made from gold and the finest mahogany, and a fairly long table between them. The room itself seemed to be etched in marble. The whole palace itself could’ve given heaven a run for its money. Carl only hoped Gandhi would be nice during dinner, mean people made his tummy hurt.

Carl and Gandhi sat at opposite ends of the table. A tired eyed but beautiful young woman with big titties came with a big platter of food, piled high with various seasoned meats. Carl was hungry, but he hesitated. “Aren’t you hungry, my boy?” Gandhi asked.

“Mr. Gandhi, does this have nuts in it? I’m allergic,” Carl responded. Gandhi replied, “No, my boy, it’s nut-free. please, eat.” Carl immediately began eating like a rabid animal. It was the best meat he had, it was so tender and moist. He finished the plate within seconds.

“Thanks, Mr. Gandhi. What was that stuff?” Gandhi was silent. Carl became nervous. What was in that meat? Did Gandhi just feed him human flesh? But the truth would be far worse.

“Llama,” Gandhi said. “Llama is what you just ate. Also, I remember when I said it was nut-free?”

“Yeah?” “I jizzed in it.”

Carl dropped his plate in horror. “What the fuck?! Why would you do that?” Gandhi’s reply would change Carl’s destiny. “To show you that compassion is weakness. Weakness that is shown amongst these humans, these lesser beings. But not for us Viltrimites. We are stronger, faster, better alone.”

“What the fuck is a Viltrimite?”

Gandhi then pimp slapped Carl like a little punk bitch. “Only the weak ask stupid question, you little homo.” Carl looked at Gandhi with the hatred of a Reddit Moderator. “The only homo thing here is your ideals, not that being gay is wrong, my friend Will is gay, and he’s a cool dude-” “But he’s weak. Just like your mother. She was more of a pet, anyways.” Carl then popped Gandhi in the balls and flew away to New York City, with Gandhi in hot pursuit.

Then Carl and Gandhi fight and it’s like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnAw3E\_mLh8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnAw3E_mLh8) with Carl being Superman and Gandhi being Zod. However instead of landing back into the city when hit by a satellite, Carl lands in the mountains. And then it’s like this scene: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI\_PM6aaxKk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI_PM6aaxKk) with Gandhi as Ultraman and Carl as Squidward. All caught up? Too bad, bitch.

After Gandhi beat Carl to death with the same hands he used to hold on his mom’s legs while he ate out her pu$$y like this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuwfOVpxkn8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuwfOVpxkn8)

Gandhi then pulled out a tiny phone and called the nuke button presser. “Hey, it’s Greg, I’m too busy making money and eating somebody’s gaping asshole to talk right now, how about you leave a message YA BITCH!!!” Gandhi cringed in silence. “It’s Gandhi. Press the button. And change you fucking email, it’s unproffesional af.” Then, the world was covered in atomic fire, and nobody learned anything because they died.

THE END