When I go to the bathroom in a stall I really love making a ton of noise. Like really putting on a show. Trumpeting a deep toot into the echoy toilet, wiggling when my turd releases so it lands on its side and makes a plop, letting out a grunt or some relieving breaths to let the other boys know I’m putting in work, tugging on the toilet paper to sound off that I made a mess, all of it. I want everyone to know that I’m not screwing around in here, this isn’t little league, if you wanna come in here you gotta play with the big boys. I’m not going to hide when I spend time in the pig pen. It’s part of the human experience and I expect everyone to experience it with me.