Part 1 – The Plan
 
It was a damp and heated afternoon in the American south. My partner (f22) and I (m21) were lounging on the couch watching anime when suddenly she placed herself atop me. At first, we were just kissing for extended moments. But then my partner heard one the characters in the anime letting out a high-pitched moan while also saying “munchie munchie munchie.” This led to us mimicking coital actions and moaning obnoxiously loud anime voice lines or using deep voices and doing the same. After this occurred for approximately 1.5 hours or longer. She had a revelation! What if instead of the anime sounds, we made Minecraft sounds and instead of dry humping we had actual intercourse. The gears began to turn in my brain as she dismounted me to go study. I was stricken with nerves “what would be the mechanics” “how could I possibly get turned on roleplaying as Minecraft mobs.” An experienced sex-haver such as myself should not be this intimidated by such a task. I sat contemplating in the other room for hours, my mind swirling. I never thought I would have the chance to have Minecraft sex in real life because although I have known my partner for years, it was exclusively an online relationship. We used to have Minecraft sex on my server once a week to keep our spark alive; however, we are no longer on the server – this is reality now. My partner eventually returned and stared into my soul. I asked her if she was ready to “make Minecraft love” she agreed, and we headed into the bedroom.
 
Part 2 – The Act
 
I had to take a break from my duties as a discord moderator. It is a serious responsibility to keep my community a safe space, but it was time for me to make my partner (baby girl or pumpy umpy pumpkin) feel safe and loved. I wouldn’t do this for anyone, not even for my mom, but my pookie bear isn’t just anyone.
 
We first had to set the mood, so we turned on the Minecraft soundtrack as background noise. The actual intimacy; however, all began normally, any non-virgin would know what that means but for those of you who don’t we started off slow with foreplay leading up to our clothes being removed. When it was about to get extra intimate, I placed my fedora on my nightstand and turned the lamp on. It was time to release the beast inside of me. We took on different roles like the spider, making its damage sound instead of pleasure sounds inserting the sound with each undulation. We also played the part of the villager making sounds like, “hurm!” or “hruh?” or “hmmm” or “hurh-uh.” The zombie sound effect was also used, letting out a resounding “duhhhhhh” when satisfied. This was the only intercourse I have partaken in that has led me to be nostalgic. Taking me back to the days as a horny middle schooler downloading sex mods for Minecraft onto the family laptop.
 
I know what you may be thinking, why would I take such an innocent game and turn it into a sexual fantasy. Because any true dominant male would if he had the chance. The sex update finally arrived IRL and it was explosive.