Picture it, you’re in your room, it’s 4am, the door’s closed but you hear a loud bang from a distance. You decide to ignore it, but 10 minutes later your phone lights up the room. It’s a notification


**DUOLINGO**
It seems you’ve lost your 15-day streak learning French. We had to take matters into our own hands. Maybe next time you won’t forget.


*Tap for more*


You hear distant screaming from the room next to yours. It’s your sister, you know exactly what happened, but not why. Suddenly, your phone lights up again


**DUOLINGO**
Maybe next time we’ll do your parents, but one thing’s for sure. You’re not dying until you can read Voltaire completely in French. Only then will the sweet release of death be upon you.


*Tap for more*


You panic and don’t know what to do, so you do the only thing you can at this time. You swipe the notifications, slowly tap your password, and before long you’re looking the familiar green bird in the eyes, ready to continue your french lesson. It says things like *”Great Work!”* and *”You’re Learning New Words!”* but you know, deep down, that that bird is now your God. You are a peasant amongst a treacherous, angry God that doesn’t want you, but feeds off you. You keep tapping to save everyone around you, but to consequently destroy your sanity as well.



I’m learning new words, Duolingo. Are you proud?