When I was in middle school, a guy who was twice my size, tried to bully me in woodshop class. Pushed me with his hands. I said, don’t do that again. He did. So I grabbed a 2×4 and hit him in the head. Teacher was not in the room. When the guy hit the ground. I started kicking him in the head by stomping on him. I looked around the room , 2×4 still in my hand. Asked, anyone else. Looked down. Spit on the guy. Told him when the teacher came back, he could rat me out, under which case I would kill his entire family in front of him.
Lesson I learned real fast as a kid.
The answer to violence is not equal violence. It’s over the top violence and savagery.
Ever see the HBO show OZ, about the prisoners? You had Italian gangsters, black gangbangers, drug dealers, Aryans, serial killers, etc. There was one guy who was a cannibal in the first season. Skinny guy, would not weigh more than 100 pounds. Long Jesus hair. Looked like a meth addict. Ate his parents based on the show. You know who fucked with him? No one. Even in a world full of violent thugs, this guy was simply not worth the trouble.
If you want people to leave you alone, all they need to know are two things
1) You will retaliate absolutely and would do so to the death. There will be negotiation. You cannot be reasoned with once you begin violence. No guns, no cops, no law, nothing will broker your resolve.
2) They don’t know what exactly you will do, but they know they will surely not like it. This is the more critical factor.
There is a movie, Way Of The Gun, two guys tried to kidnap a pregnant woman, eventually one of the bodyguards points his pistol at the woman’s belly. If we can’t protect her, and we can’t keep this baby safe, you won’t have it. We all lose. The pregnant woman said it best – They don’t care if they die, they just don’t want to lose.
I’m not saying look for a fight all the time. I’m not saying walking away is always a bad idea, sometimes it’s the best idea. I’m not saying hold onto your pride at the cost of so much more.
I am saying if someone decides to cross a line with you, give them one warning, then if they decide at that point to fuck with you, show them they picked the wrong guy on the wrong day to fuck with someone. Don’t get me wrong, I understand group dynamics and hazing and rites of passage and these are entirely different situations socially than one on one encounters.
Sorry OP, I respect your viewpoint, I see where you are going with this, I understand your context, I just don’t find it workable, at least, for me. I’m not looking to make a joke or share a beer with some asshole who lays his hands on me. Fuck him. I don’t need those kind of “friends” or “acquaintances” in my life.
Easiest way I find to deal with a “bully” at work or at a friends BBQ or any other more complicated social circumstance. I just keep walking towards them. Just keep moving forward. Until I’m an inch from their face. I don’t raise my hands to them ( yet) I ask them to repeat what they last said to me just now. I lock gaze on them. You’d be surprised how many back down. And if they don’t, whisper something in their ear. If it’s a bully, that I see daily, I realize has been working their way towards screwing with me, I background them. I whisper the names of their kids, their social security number, their home address, their parents home address, what time they were born, etc.
Guy wants to throw a punch at you in general, he might do it if he thinks you’ll take it. You know when he won’t do it? When he thinks you’ll take his entire family into the desert, put old tires around them, douse them with gasoline and light them on fire. While sitting in a lawn chair eating a sandwich and drinking lemonade from a cooler.
The most fucked up part of all this is it probably turns most women on, even if they publicly say they hate it, when a guy beats the shit out of another guy for a “good reason”
Real life – You have to take some shit from some people some of the time, esp with obligations. The rest of the time? Well, like I said, show them they picked the wrong dude on the wrong day.