I’ve played Skyblock for 15k hours now, and now I have truly maxed out everything. For 2 years I have not talked to my parents, and forgot to feed my pet dog. Thankfully it seems to not complain, it’s not moving at all actually. All my friends have left me, and my family disowned me. But now I am a true alpha male, and not some 3/4 sa non.

I decide to go outside after finally completing Skyblock. I walk past my Marina Shrine and the mountain of drink cans that I have accumulated over 2 years. I step out of the dusty basement, walk out the front door, and is instantly struck by a blinding light. I’m starting to think that Dante was justified in removing the sun.

I take off my filthy shirt and use it to cover my face. I see a 5 year old walking a dog, and think about how much combat exp it will give. When I see another kid selling lemonade on the street, I slap him in the face and tell him to stop scamming. And then, I see something that truly makes my blood boil. I see someone wearing a black hat, yellow shirt, black pants, and black shoes. The colors…. they remind me of all those nons I’ve met in the years of party finder.

I charge at him, tackle him onto the ground, and beat his face into a bloody pulp. Then I spit on him and say “Stop throwing the run you fucking non” before I leave.

Now, some of you may call me a “psychopath” or “mentally deranged”, but the truth is, I am a true alpha male gamer, and you’re just jealous because you are a soyboy beta cuck.