My first night in the castle was a blur of bliss,
Floating candles like angels
And a feast endless,
Comin up in the streets, I never seen so much food;
Nothing could kill my spirit
Nothing could dampen the mood

Until a magical hat was
Placed down on my head;
The room went silent
To hear what it said
“Hufflepuff!” it shouted
And my heart truly sank;
I looked to their side of the hall
Filled with stank

At my new house’s table
Sat the rejects of school;
I trudged on over,
Knowing I looked the fool
Not the heart for Gryffindor,
nor the brains for the Claw;
I’d take Slytherin at this point, outcasts to the law.

But everything changed
When we went back to the dorms;
When I first became acquainted with Hufflepuff norms
When the blunts were sparked
Then the house leader spoke;
Her voice cutting through all the smoke wetween tokes:

“We work hard in the Puff,
and we always play fair; the truth is our language here in Helga’s lair”

So began my education, with a puff and a pass; common room near the kitchen,
we got the snacks en mass.
Smoking spliffs between lessons, while still being on time;
Spells I naturally casted, due to my gift of rhyme.

I was the talk of the castle, breaking speed-casting records;
unmatched in the duels,
Straight dissing all hecklers.

Respect earned for our house, but feeling no need to boast
I caught dabs from Fat Friar all the other house ghosts

Sharing my gifts with the school, helping others to learn;
Because here in the Puff,
you get what you earn.