I have plans to scorn my future ex. When my 34-year-old latina-black sugar momma is nine months and one week in, I will pack my beige suitcase with all of our shared money, two granolas, and my best suit, then go to the nearest plane and purchase a no return delta airlines business class ticket to buenos aires. When I get on the plane, I will shut myself in the airplane bathroom and send her a picture of my genitalia, captioned “this is all you’ll ever get from me.” Laughing my head off as I return to my seat, I order a vodka martini, stirred not shaken, and giggle even further when she sends me a return hate-text that says “FEMALE DOG U IS A DONKEYHOLE. GO DIE IN A HOLE.” With that last glorious communication, I delete her and everyone I ever knew from my contacts and settle down to watch the latest marvel superhero movie on the plane’s hitech hd tv set. Time flies like superman and I land in Argentina at 7:00 pm, eastern standard time. I buy a donut from the airport mcdonalds and go through security, eager to use my high school español skills. That I do, and for the next twenty years, I raise nice, privileged white kids with some nazi’s granddaughter. After they go to college and my nazi wife dies under suspicious circumstances, I’ll move back stateside, find my kid, then laugh at him because he never had a father. Only it’s too late; being 1/4 black, he’s in prison by then. I visit him and laugh at him there! He starts crying for some reason and I leave. Next stop is my former latina-black sugar momma. To my chagrin, I find that she moved in with a puerto rican-dominican dishwasher from haiti. I wait until he’s at work and she’s alone in the house until I come in, break down and apologize. Forgiving me, my latina-black sugar momma gives me some make-up hokey pokey. Once that’s over, I laugh at her instead because she was stupid enough to let me impregnate her twice. When she protests and says that we used protection just now, I’ll tell her that it was just a small white balloon with holes in it. Enraged, her black side comes out and my latina-black sugar momma shoots me three times in the ches with a colt .45 revolver from her bureau. Oh well, I lived a good life, and I left my revenge in her womb anyway. See, I already knew from our first relationship that she would experience complications if she were ever to abort. At the time, we chuckled with the gynecologist and said that that wouldn’t ever be a problem. But it will be. So, yeah, I got revenge twice!