There’s nothing more human than taking a good dump so imagine this: you’re sitting on your porcelain throne, feeling the urge building up in your bowels. The anticipation is killing you, but you know that when the time comes, it’s gonna be a glorious release. You grab your phone, because what better way to pass the time than taking a dump and scrolling through your social media feed?

But here’s where the real artistry comes in. You gotta find that perfect balance between pushing too hard and letting it flow. Too much force, and you’ll end up with a hemorrhoid the size of a grapefruit. Too little, and you’ll be sitting there all day, feeling like you’ve got a stubborn turd that just won’t budge.

But when you finally hit that sweet spot, oh boy, it’s like a symphony of bodily functions. The relief washes over you, and you let out a primal grunt of satisfaction. The sound of that plop hitting the water is music to your ears. You’ve birthed a masterpiece, my friends.

And let’s not forget the afterglow. The feeling of emptiness, of lightness, that comes after a good dump is unmatched. You walk out of the bathroom with a swagger in your step, knowing that you’ve conquered the throne. You feel like a goddamn king.

So next time you find yourself on that porcelain throne, embrace the art of pooping. Take your time, savor the sensation, and remember that in that moment, you are the master of your own bodily functions. And hey, if anyone gives you shit for talking about it, just remind them that pooping is a fundamental human experience. We all do it, so we might as well celebrate it.