I will devote my entire life to CHEEZ-ITs. I would become the spokesperson for the company and enrich the lives of many through cheesy puns and they would know the true wealth of the cheesy goodness.

I would be the CHEEZ-KING. Everyone would know who I was. I would walk down the middle of busy streets giving CHEEZ-ITs to all of the peasants like a medieval king throwing gold in the street.

I would have giant CHEEZ-IT statues erected across the world. CHEEZ-IT vehicles, because the CHEEZ-IT is the most aerodynamic cheese snack.

My wardrobe would be made entirely of reinforced CHEEZ-MAIL, which is like chain-mail made of special CHEEZ-ITs. I would command an army and end wars with CHEEZ-ITs entirely. I would command CHEEZ-FLEETS and fire CHEEZ-CANNONS at my unsuspecting enemies who would quickly yield victory to me over their satisfied hunger.

There would be no more world hunger, as the world could sustain itself entirely off of the amount of genetically superior CHEEZ-ITs I would require to be produced as CHEEZ-KING. These engineered CHEEZ-ITs would have a reasonable amount of calories, and every existing type of daily vitamin/mineral you needed in 600 CHEEZ-ITs. (Based on a daily diet of 2000 calories.) That’s 200 glorious CHEEZ-ITs for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner; or distributed as snacks by how you see fit.

I would develop a crippling addiction to CHEEZ-CRACK, the finest most pure form of CHEEZ-IT available to only the richest most renowned people on the planet. It would sustain my constant drive to spread the good word of the CHEEZ-IT.

We would develop spacecrafts in the shape of CHEEZ-ITs and seek life on other planets. We would spread the good religion of our CHEEZ-ITs and let it be known as the best cheese snack across the galaxy. Soon our martian friends would know the goodness of CHEEZ-ITs. I would be crowned GALACTIC CHEEZ-KING and there would be many PLANETARY CHEEZ-KINGS below me.

I would make the universe a better place to live in, with the power of CHEEZ-IT!