Oh, fuck you. You propagating that ol’ chestnut, that lie about Pixar butts? Buddy, get an original thought! Watch the films for yourself! Quit parroting the lamewads on the newsmedia!

There’s really only one mommy donker in the Pixar criterion and we all know who has got it. It’s Elastigirl. And just so you know, that’s not even a true bubba rump, it’s inflated.

Yep, Elastigirl’s humppad is inflated. It’s fake, more or less. Well, sorta fake I guess because of course it is her real flesh all but, ya know, she does the stretchy thing and keep that chunker pumped. It’s just part of the game. It’s all about butts these days. It’s marketing. You ain’t gonna sell merch if you ain’t got some serious schmeeks that can take a paddling and paddle back badder.

But, she’s not even all about the butt. Like most women (and ladies feel free to correct me (in detail)), she’s all about the vagina. She prefers vagina sex with her husband Bob, and I think there are very few Bobs out there that women wouldn’t want to have vaginal sex with (agian, ladies, please tell me in detail if my assumptions are true). And with Elastigirl’s unique, *ahem*, abilities, she stretches that canal cavern wide enough for bulky bobbin’ Bob to walk right in. It’s a humid little enclosure of unspeakable pleasure. Though this is obviously *Incredibles 2* for Elastigirl and Bob, as demonstrated by the quavering of her dripping, ridged walls, that’s only the beginning.

Once safely inside, Elastigirl stretches yet further, closing off the entrance with her beautiful labia, interlocking the bright flesh like slippery fingers. Now, Bob is in the dark, that glory darkness. He feels around, playing as if he’s lost in her labyrinth, much to Elastigirl’s delight, until he finds the prize: her clitoris. It’s stretched and swollen to the size of a volleyball. Bob knows just what to do, and so as he’s done a thousand times before, he speedbags that clit. With his tremendous strength, he’s able to out pace even the most skilled boxers. *Dugga-da-dugga-da-dugga-da-dugga-da-dugga-da.*

It only takes about a minute before the thunderous, rubber band boinging sound of Elastigirl orgasming echoes through moist chamber and that’s Bob’s cue to lay on his back and prepare for the big finish.

Elastigirl loses her shape, flailing and abstract, then shrinks back down, screeching in ecstasy the whole way, with Bob still inside her. Her rubbery flesh conforms to his waiting, wanting shape until she’s forced to squeeze him out like a sea turtle squeezing and egg out of her cloaca, and so, too, Bob gets squeezed out, except, what’s this?

He’s snagged!

Oh, ho, ho, ho! That naughty (now) little Elastigirl has suckered onto his strong penis with her deflated labia! This powerful combination, that exotic blur of fucking and sucking, pops off Bob in mere moments. As he lies on the bed paralyzed, she pockets his sloshing wad for later use (mainly to spit at ne’er-do-wells as a distraction during her next crime fighting campaign).

And the butt isn’t really involved at all.

And I highly doubt Andy’s mom is getting her hams rammed. I know EVE ain’t getting trucked by WALL·E (they do little zip-zaps). And can anyone honestly say that Princess Atta is getting her booty chugged by Flik? I don’t think Ants even have sex like that, honestly. That old grandma WHO DIED in Coco? C’mon dude.

Where are the Pixar butts you’re talking about? Where is this coming from?! It’s only Elastigirl! And, and, and she’s only bubbling that burper for show!

So, what the fuck are you talking about? What butts are you even fucking talking about? Reassess your thoughts. Think for yourself. This is just embarrassing to read.