Self explanatory, but here’s a backstory.

I decided that I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend the other night. My fetish is simple; I masturbate to watching ritual sacrifices to the Dark Lord. I outlined this to my girlfriend (she is an atheist, by the way) who understood this fetish.

However, as time went on, thoughts of my girlfriend on the altar, being sacrificed to my Lord and Savior Satan, ate up all of my thoughts.

So, one night, I decide I am going to do it. My parents were not home, so I also called the local Satanic ministry. After they arrived and set up shop in the basement, I called my girlfriend over. So, she agreed, came over, and basically what happened next was somewhat a blur.

We started getting hot and heavy, so I started to walk over to the basement with her. We went down, as I told her I lived in the basement (I know, I know, neckbeard basement dwelling fag, but kys, that isn’t the story).

Needless to say, the place was well lit with red candles. She saw the altar and looked at it in shock. Suddenly, she kicked me in the balls and walked out. I was disappointed, but I paid the ministry the $500 I owed them for showing up.

So, reddit, why doesn’t she want to be sacrificed to Satan? And why hasn’t she answered my calls in the past week, asking her if she wants to do it again?