My sweet little Angelfish,
Lately I’ve been seeing my Aquarium half empty instead of half full. I just wanted to write you a brief email message to stand apart from the school of bottom feeders with possible PCB’s, and tell you from the depths of my heart and soul that I’m an honest, caring, sensitive (I can cry at will), nice guy with all the wonders and joys that come with those sparkling qualities that women find so irresistible these days. I will pledge my undying love for you, buy your affections till you hurl, call you ten times a day, followed by as many text messages as my plan will allow for the month (I’m pretty sure it’s 1000…pretty sure..). I promise to be as clingy as humanly possible, whine about my problems, listen to yours, and tell you how to solve them. I love holding hands (with you preferably) while prancing on the beach, buying you an ice cream (unless you’re lactose intolerant like me), reciting poetry, and daily affirmations to you. I absolutely LOVE laughing, more laughing,…and even more laughing till you slap me silly. I love cutesy pet names for each other, grocery shopping, picking out wallpaper, babies, puppies, kittens, clouds, birds, bees, gardening, and did I mention laughing? I won’t and don’t play all those silly games. I don’t even own an X-box or a Wii. I’ll worship the ground you walk on..even if it’s all over me. Please, Please, Please respond. I longingly await your reply while staring at my email inbox so I can whisk you away to Europe, buy you a red dress, ask you to be my wife, and give you the biggest rock you’ve ever seen to wear and backhand your jealous friends with (bling, bling!). Do not try to resist the feelings between us. It’s futile. No more searching these dark, treacherous waters for your Nemo. You’ve FOUND him! Congratulations and two points for you! So let’s stop this ‘flip flopping around on the carpet like a fish out of water’ nonsense and do this ‘My lil Mermaid’! xoxo <(Those are kisses and hugs to you. I’m not playing Tic Tac Toe.)
Sincerely,
Your soul mate