Everybody come on in.

I will begin by putting you in order by the last four digits of your Social Security numbers, then asking quiz bowl questions while you balance ornate trays of mandarin orange slices on your heads. Then I will watch Ghostbusters II while you all strip naked BUT I WILL NOT LOOK AT YOU because Ghostbusters II is the pinnacle of all cinema. You must not speak, or remove or drop your tray, because that would interrupt my movie viewing experience. I suggest wearing a button-up top and strapless bra to facilitate this portion of the evening.

Once the movie ends I will look at you all, instantly ejaculate in my pants, and pay you all not to tell anybody. Then you will dress and leave without speaking.