I’m going to start off by saying that I know what I’m about to say is not quite normal. But basically I’m looking to find out if there’s a way for me to ever be normal again. I’m 36 years old, I live alone, and I’m able to support myself through disability that I received 4 grand mal seizures. I don’t have any problems taking care of myself, I don’t shit myself even though that seems to be a trend here, but I’m very immature on the level of maybe a 12 year old. When I was a kid, I hated my grandmother. I hated her because she would always go out of her way it seemed to me, to get me in trouble with my parents and tattle on me. For the majority of my childhood, I stayed grounded for things I never did in missed out on so much childhood stuff. Around the age of 14 or 15, I developed a really weird ways to get revenge on people, like Bullies Are what not. So I thought I try the same thing on my grandma to get revenge which was prank calling and scaring the Daylights out of them so from the time I was fourteen up until my 18th birthday, or around that time, I would wait till 3 exactly in the morning and call my grandmother while she was asleep and wake her up and scream into the phone the phrase “hey old lady!!! I’m going to come over and shit all over your face!!!!” My grandma who was about 88 years old at the time was scared to death and would come to my house and cry to my father scared that someone was trying to hurt her but all I would do was just go into my room and laugh all day long. It got to the point where when she finally died I thought I would go out with one last hoorah and take a crap on her newly buried grave. I don’t do things like this anymore but the problem is that I still to this day find it hilarious at the memory that I keep with me and in a sick way almost cherish to the point where I think of my grandmother being in hell and it makes me have to masturbate. Like I said I didn’t know this isn’t normal and I do see a psychiatrist. What I want to know is is there ever a chance of me living a normal rest of my life without having these thoughts and feelings?