Yes….yes it is. Many hardcore fans have pondered for years and years about the plot holes of the Lord of the Ring franchise of movies. One of the most notorious ones, however, is actually from the very beginning of the movie: Why on Middle Earth did they just not use the eagles?

Time and time again, viewers have argued for hours on why they should or should not have decided to use the eagles in the first place. And yet, there is always that smiling motherfucker who whips out the encyclopedia and explains to us how we are all wrong: “The eagles are more powerful than wizards themselves which means that if the fellowship were to use the eagles, they would be putting the world at an even higher risk of complete destruction.”

To that I say………………….no. That’s a book, this is a movie ya dum dum. You see, the true reason why they embarked on this long journey instead of utilizing the eagles was because they were too high to think of it in the first place.

Hear me out, I think we can all agree that Gandalf is the man. He’s the guy that knows it all, sees it all and can whoop all y’all asses with his iconic big ass stick. He’s the guy everyone relies on to carry them to victory. In fact, he’s so cool that he sometimes smokes some of that sweet sweet Mary J with the boys. Just look at him, just so cool.

Also, I think we can also agree that Bilbo Baggins is the man. He’s the guy that knows it all, sees it all and can whoop all y’all asses with his iconic big ass stick. He’s the guy everyone relies on to carry them to victory. In fact, he’s so cool that he sometimes smokes some of that sweet sweet Mary J with the boys. Just look at him, just so cool.

With this in mind let’s rewind back to one of the first scenes in the movie. Right before the big party scene with all those what are they little goblins or something, Bilbo decides to bust out some of that fine grass to share with Gandalf. And this isn’t no candy shop hash, no no no no no, this is “the finest weed in the Southfarthing,” which means it better be some of the strongest especially if it is to have some sort of effect on a warlock and a little gremlin. And remember, this is set in medieval times where magic and dragons are and then some two dingleberries can just set of a firework that looks like a dragon. This better be some out of this world shit. Just look at that scene again, look at it. You can see that they are just tripping balls off of that weed, holy shit! They start seeing some rings and then one of those rings turns into a ship. Holy ship!

Now some of you may be thinking, where the hell are you going with this? Calm down, impatient fuck, I’m getting there. So first off, this weed is some high tier god power weed, like it manages to make them hallucinate and shit. No weed does that, except the weed in Middle Earth, apparently. But then, it also has that effect that makes them a bit more reckless and ballsy.

In the literal next scene, you see Bilbo is willing to risk it all to show that he is the man. He whips out the ring and turns invisible just for the fun of it. Bilbo, you silly rapscallion you, you don’t need to prove to us that you’re the man, we all know that you’re the guy that knows it all, sees it all and can whoop all our asses with your iconic big ass stick. Maybe that’s the moral of Lord of the Rings. That maybe, you don’t really feel worthy to be everyone’s man. That sometimes, you feel that maybe you aren’t cool enough to hang with the big boys, like Gandalf and Dildo. But sometimes we just need to sit back and look at ourselves in the mirror. Sometimes, we just need to cut ourselves some slack and just accept ourselves for who we are. Deep down, there’s a part of us that are trolls like Bimbo. It’s just sometimes hard to tell when you have to deal with the temptations of life.











No, wait a minute. But then, the ring comes into the picture and now Gandalf’s high is ruined and everything from then on out spirals into a nightmare. Billy Jean decided to propose to Gandalf, and Gandalf didn’t want none of that. But then he looks at the ring again and now the hallucinations are getting worse. The ring starts glowing and shrinking and doing all sorts of weirdo shit, which startles Gandalf a little bit, the man. That’s when, all of the sudden Bilbo begins throwing a little hissy fit, some attitude he got from the weed, and the Gandalf has to tell him to shut the fuck up and calm down.

Now that they have this possessed ring, Gandalf gives it to the other character, I think his name is Barbera, while he goes out of his way to research the ring for a while. All the research is difficult, though, because this weed trip is really fucking with Gandalf. As he keeps on frantically reading, he overlooks the obvious answer to their problems and freaks out and shit, a relatable mistake. Have you tried reading while high? The simple words just opens your third eye and all of the sudden you’re in space.

Gandalf, freaking out about some of the misread information, decides to save Barbera. “Is it secret? Is it safe?” He figures that the elfling has to walk all the way to the bar so he can get a professional to help them out. This trip really changed Gandalf for the rest of his life. And now the whole journey begins.

Then you look at the other characters and realize, holy shit, everyone in this movie is high. Gimli smokes, Merry and Pippin smoke, this movie comprises of a bunch of potheads. Even look at Sauron. His eyes are red as shit! Isn’t that just a little bit suspicious? So of course they don’t realize that they should’ve used the eagles. Ironic how the ring metaphorically represents the idea of addiction.

It isn’t until Gandalf dies until he realizes that he made a big no no. But too late! He just sent these two little fellas, with Gargamel, to their doom. But Gandalf is so cool that he just decides to come back from the dead and do everything he can to make up for his big mistake.

Now let’s look at the narrative similarities between Lord of the Rings and Pineapple Express, the infamous stoner comedy. Pineapple Express stars Seth Rogan, a pedophilic pothead that has a Grade A job and kind of knows what he’s doing, and James Franco, his weed dealer and best friend who also kind of knows what he’s doing. These are the obvious inspirations for Gandalf and Benjamin Franklin. But both movies start of very slow and simple. Everyone is having a good time and just chilling out, they smoke their weed and dick around for a bit. But then the plot comes in and the horrifying thing happens. In Pineapple Express, it’s Seth witnessing a man’s head get shot off by the main antagonist, which makes him freak out and in Lord of the Rings, Gandalf witnesses the ring going ape shit at the touch, showing some horrifying imagery from the main antagonist that makes Gandalf freak out. Then, they both go to their loved ones and tells them they have to prepare and leave to go on some grand adventure for their safety. In both movies the characters leave, one of them realizes that there was an easier solution at the start, but they already reached the point of no return so they have to keep moving forward. Heck, both movies have some character die and come back to life to save the main characters again. How has no one seen these obvious similarities? J.R.R. Tolkien was obviously a fan of the Seth Rogan movies.

In conclusion your honor, it seems to me that it is crystal clear that the Lord of the Rings movies were all just the result of a bad acid trip. It is just too blatant. You don’t have the audacity to prove the facts wrong. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

Case Closed!