This story dates back a bit, to when I was about 6 weeks shy of 21. For reference, my family is a bit scattered age-wise. I have 2 older half sisters (same father, different mother) who are (A) 12 and (B, who does not appear in this story due to being halfway across the planet) 10 years older than me, and two younger half brothers (Same mother, different father) who are (E) 7 and (C) 11 years younger than me. At the time I lived on my own as my parents had both passed away and I had gotten a subsidized apartment (Note: still have the subsidy, I’m on my 3rd apartment since this story). Massachusetts is expensive to live in, and there is no way in hell a retail worker can afford to live alone here without some form of assistance.

So C’s 10th birthday was coming up, and A was in town visiting her mom (L) (A is a US Marshal who was working out of San Francisco at the time). She offered to take me out to the nearby <Toy Store> to shop for a present for C after I got off work at <At the time unsafely confined to New England holiday-themed bargain store>. My store’s dress code for us peons, at least at the time, was pretty much whatever was non-offensive for a shirt, pants or shorts, close-toed shoes, and a green apron/smock with the store logo on it. So, at the blessed time of 4pm, A picks me up, we go over to <Toy Store>, and we split up, me going for the video games to get a Game Boy game I knew my brother would want, my sister going over to the bikes as his old one had been destroyed by an idiot bus driver (thankfully while my brother was not on it). E was also with us, as A had picked him up at the rink near his high school after he finished hockey practice, and he came along with me. After locating the game, getting the employee there (N, who I was dating at the time) to get it out of the locked case for me and I pay, I started chatting with N and asking about our upcoming date night. After a few minutes, another customer comes over, E and I start to walk to the front, and as we pass the display of Xboxs (of which E had just gotten one for Christmas, and I had one as well and we were both early adopters of Xbox Live) I hear the mating call of the wild Karen.

K: “EXCUSE ME”

I ignore this as I’m not wearing the uniform of any store (I had left my apron in A’s rental car) and keep walking.

K: “Aren’t you going to help me you fat fuck?”

I’m a large guy (6’1″ and at the time around 300lbs, I’ve battled with depression since my mother died when I was 11 \[and 8 months after C was born, fuck drunk drivers\], and I have a habit of eating to cope. My weight and depression, along with my poor eyesight, conspired to keep me out of the Coast Guard when I tried to enlist on 9/12/01).

Me: “I don’t work here.”

K: “Of course you do I see you here all the time talking with that \*thing\* by the nintendos”

(Note: N is trans, and was in the process of transitioning at the time. She wasn’t very passable at the time.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s my girlfriend.”

K: “Oh so you’re a faggot too? And where are you taking this boy?” pointing to my brother, E.

Me: “That’s my brother.” I sense this is starting to get ugly, so I turn to E and quietly, but firmly, say “Go find A. NOW.”

E literally RUNS. He knows that when I get quiet SHIT. HAS. HIT. THE. FAN. Munolik Hulk Mode stage 1 has arrived.

K Starts walking towards me menacingly, and I start backing up, not realizing she is backing me into a corner.

K: <screeching something about “all fags are pedophiles” and how “all trannies should be executed publicly” and similar>

I finally realize I am literally backed into a corner with this crazy Karen in front of me and I have no escape. Munolik Hulk Mode Stage 2 kicks in.

Me: “LEAVE. ME. THE. FUCK. ALONE.”

That’s when it happens. I see the knife in her hand. I still have the box cutter from work in my pocket, but it will do nothing in this case except maybe scratch this crazy bitch. Munolik Hulk Mode Stage 3 imminent. All hands to battle stations. This is not a drill.

But then, the next thing EVERYONE in the store, and maybe even several people in the parking lot, hears…

“FEDRAL AGENT DROP THE WEAPON”

3 things happen in the next second. K and I turn to see A pointing her gun at K, K drops the knife on the floor, and K’s bladder evacuates, leaving a bright yellow puddle on the floor. N and E appear on the scene, followed shortly after by the store manager and the LP officer. Before I could fully process what had just happened, K is in handcuffs and has resumed screaming all sorts of vile homophobic and transphobic shit, and A is asking me if I am alright. I just collapse as the adrenaline stops, smacking my head on a shelf. I wake up 10 minutes later to a paramedic taking my vitals, N, E, and A looking at me with worried looks on their faces, and the absence of banshee-like rantings from K.

Aftermath:

I wound up spending the night in the hospital (I had a concussion, a hairline skull fracture and a nasty cut from hitting the shelf). Still live alone, but I’ve dealt with some of my depression issues to the point I can now work full-time.

E is now a Major and in the Air National Guard and has a lovely wife and 5 year old triplets.

C is an FBI agent, and he and his boyfriend just announced their engagement.

A is still with the Marshal Service, mostly handling administrative tasks these days.

B is still the quietest of the family.

N and I split up a year later. We’re still friends, and she is now married with 3 adopted kids and is managing a big blue electronics store.

K is still in prison. She was initially sentenced to 2 years in prison plus 5 years of probation (attempted assault with a dangerous weapon plus hate crime enhancements), but apparently got into a fight that nearly killed another inmate, so she ended up getting another 15 to 25 added to her sentence, and was recently denied parole for the second time.