With the exception of eagles, of course, being our national animal, all birds simply must die. I was grilling cheeseburgers today that I bought from the grocery store with my hard earned money, unlike a communist, who just steals shit from other people because he can. I ate all six delicious cheeseburgers in my backyard on my american flag themed fold up chair. I left the chair outside and came back the next day and it was COVERED IN BIRD SHIT. This is when I realized that, contrary to popular belief, birds hate freedom and they are basically the same god damn thing as a commie. I grabbed my shotgun and killed all the god damn birds I could find on my property. Those fuckers think they can live wherever the fuck they want like there is no private property. Fuck birds. If you own a pet bird, fuck you and fuck your stupid little bird. They are not cute, they are not funny. They shit, piss, and give birth all from the same spot. Whenever you kill a bird, god smiles. Whenever you kill a bird, a communist somewhere in southeast asia dies, too. I am writing a petition right fucking now to the white house to give every american the right to kill a bird whenever they fucking feel like it, except eagles, of course.