Jesus’ foreskin has long been rumored to have mystical powers, including the ability to cure male impotence and increase male endowment to whomever possesses it. A monk in 920 AD was rumored to have killed succubi and cured lesbianism using Jesus’ foreskin. The foreskin was reportedly taped to the head of a staff with which he would reach out and touch the individual, grazing Jesus’ foreskin along their forehead while uttering in Latin, “The phallus of Christ compels you!”

Rasputin’s penis was rumored to have been of rather great endowment. One woman confessed that the first time she slept with him her orgasm was so violent that she had a seizure. Rasputin’s assassin and alleged homosexual lover, Felix Yusopov, claimed that Rasputin’s prowess was explained by a large wart strategically situated on his penis, which was of exceptional size. Another explanation, proposed by David Icke, is that Rasputin was in possession of Jesus’ foreskin for some time, a gift he had received from alien lizard people who control a world government.