I totally agree. After the countless surgeries, implants, and injections, I am finally all that is man. I have washboard abs, a perfect set of teeth, and a butt that can start and stop wars, simultaneously. I haven’t paid for a meal in years; Its always waitresses fawning over me, “Its on the house, you beautiful Adonis. May I take your picture, or can I just masturbate to you right here?”

However, the big problem I find is that all women don’t match up to the same level of perfection that I’ve achieved. Some beastly broad started crying the other day when I called her a fat-ass. She exclaimed, “I’m not fat, i’m pregnant, you *******!” But I know that was just an excuse for her to cram more food down her gullet. I told her the only thing she should be swallowing after every meal is her finger, privately, in the bathroom.

All I want in this world is a woman who can smile when I slap her ass and tell her she’s done a good job on creating the perfect body for me to look at. Is that so hard? I guess it is when a woman’s brain is 15% smaller than a man’s (and only filled with ideas for her next craft project to display on Pinterest).