This is truth. There are many types of boner that a gentleman may encounter throughout an average day;

1. ⁠Morning Boner/wood: you’ve just woken up and for some reason you’re harder than that slice of bread you took out last night to make a sandwich and forgot to put back. You could have been having the most mundane dream about playing scrabble with Isaac Newton and Bill and Ben the flower pot men but it will still be present.
2. ⁠Pee Boner: Any time you have to pee and you leave it past the point you really should have gone, up pops a pee boner. It’s almost as if your body is saying “you had your chance to go normally with mr flop, now here is a stiff rod to piss through, good luck!”
3. ⁠Regular horny boner: The standard boner most associated with an erect penis. Maybe you saw Emma Watson in that Harry Potter film where she is finally legal or perhaps Mrs Wilson from next door is giving you the eye and although she’s pushing 80 and wears nothing but a salmon pink nighty and a hair net you’re pretty sure is stuck there you haven’t had any better offers lately and you get lonely.
4. ⁠Fear Boner: This is a wierd one where, if you’re like me, being scared suddenly or over a period of time kinda makes you feel like you could either fuck the next zombie that goes for your throat or stab it in the head with your weaponized phallus.
5. ⁠Excitement Boner: Much akin to the fear boner, where a build up of anticipation over time or a sudden rush of excitement for some reason sends all blood to your lad so you have even less power to process all of those people who jumped out for your surprise but more power to convince them maybe you should keep a minimum 10 feet distance and that your friend Janet should probably return that webcam you bought her last christmas.
6. ⁠Really? Boner: The dreaded. The calamity. The unforeseen intrusion of an inappropriate appendage that will fuck your shit if not dealt with. We have all been there (aside from you ladies and I apologise for the lack of fun you get from having the sheath as opposed to the sword). You’re there, chatting to your new girlfriend/boyfriend’s mum, you’re doing great! She loves your charming wit and the fact you are polite and didn’t eat all the snacks she laid out. The dad comes over with the baby sibling and asks her to take over as he has to dash to work and says that it was lovely meeting you. Baby exchanges hands and mum decides ee gads! She needs the loo! She asks you to take the baby after she has already pushed the thing into your arms and reassures you that they’re “very good with strangers!”. After a few minutes of you and the infant staring at eachother wondering how you came to be in this situation after 10+ years of being content with emptying your DNA into a school sock, the worst happens! The baby starts screeching! You do your best baby voice to try and calm them but to no avail so you sit and bounce them on your lap. After a few moments both your new partner and the mum come back to relive you of your duty and check what all the commotion is, only to reveal as mum picks up the baby that your are concealing quite possible the most moderately sized carrot behind your zipper but it pitches a tent big enough for a small family of mice. Now all eyes are on you; you start to explain the information I have written here (solid fact) but your babbling makes you look more and more like Gary Glitter every second and before you know it you’re walking home, alone, wondering whether you should chuck yourself in the nearest river or if your still prevent pole would just vault you safely to the other side.