What is the Sonic universe? It’s inhabited by some creatures that are colourful and anthropomorphic yet most of it is small critters that Sonic wants to protect. It’s also filled with terrain that is stupid as fuck, I mean the loops, and whatnot. In the industrial zones or chemical zones who the fuck was in charge of architecture? Who works there?

Where do all the weird mechanical elements come from? The enemies, the hazards and stuff. If Eggman is planting them then why is he also planting springs and other shit that helps Sonic clear his path to him? Is he trying to get thwarted? Does he just get off on the thrill of the risk? If not him, then who?

Why is so much of it such an incohesive Dragon Ball rip-off? You’ve got Gohan, Tien or Piccolo (your choice), Vegeta, Future Trunks, the Dragon Balls, Super Saiyan, Fusion and God knows what else.

At least other game worlds somewhat make sense. Like Mario has worlds and kingdoms where he is a dude that helps out and there’s magic and shit, and his relationship with Peach is like porn for kids where she calls him to fix her pipes, thinks he’s hot and then fixes his pipe in her pipe. Zelda is even simpler, disregarding chronology, and I don’t even need to say anything about Metroid. Sonic just feels so… game-y. All of the in-universe things are just game shit that didn’t really need such cohesive backstory. How are people even invested in this?

I get loving it for its unique gameplay and colourful and wacky aesthetic, but its lore and worldbuilding suck ass in my opinion. It just scares me. And not because I can’t play it, because I’m a shit gamer with debilitating anger issues that shattered my screen because that Fortress motherfucker beat me 3 times in the Minish Cap. I know I would get used to it sooner or later and might even have fun with it.

I’m afraid of… falling down a rabbit hole, and becoming somebody that is weird about this strange, strange world. It’s frightening. I am genuinely confused and terrified of Sonic the Hedgehog and its world, please help.