I’ve always wanted to get gay married so I could insert “no homo” during various parts of the ceremony. “Do you, Andrew?” “I do (no homo).” Whispering “no homo” as I kiss the groom and my family stands and claps. Announcing “no homo” as we cut the cake during the reception, our hands trembling slightly with the gravity and permanence of our decision. Shouting “no homo” to my friends and family over the sound of the Cha Cha Slide as we dance our hearts out. “Thanks for coming to my gay marriage, Aunt Sue! No homo!” I’d say. Then, later, when we’re in the hotel room, moaning “no homo” into the pillow as he inserts his hard, throbbing cock into me, deeper and deeper — but not as deep as our love or commitment to one another.
That’d be hilarious!