“Gotta get those macros and micros both before my next class bro. That’s why I brought this extra crispy romaine salad topped off with quinoa, cottage cheese, peanut butter, strawberries, marinated chicken, oven roasted salmon, spicy tuna, and high-fat low-cal dressing that I made 3 weeks ago.”

*loud popping sound of protein shaker being opened*

Hold on, one second. Gotta drink my pre-post-workout-post-pre-protein shake or else I’ll totally be steamed after class bro.

*gulps drink*

*loud popping sound of shaker being closed*

*shakes vigorously while the quiet, mumbling professor who speaks quickly with the thickest foreign accent in the world can barely be heard*

“Oops, almost forgot!”

*starts cooking turkey bacon on a mobile George Foreman grill he brought to class, powered by his Nexus Xtreme Bodybuilding charging station that consistently sprays ammonia directly into his nostrils so that he’s always in Beast Mode*

*popping sounds from shaker*

“Now for my post meal, pre-prep meal snack!”

*pulls out a cutting board and begins dicing the largest celery sticks you’ve ever seen. Then pulls out a large container of Omega 3 Plus peanut butter, pouring the celery bits inside, then eats it with a full size spoon one would normally use for stirring sauces.*

*popping sounds from shaker*

“Hey, Prof. Can you repeat that?”

*quietly burps under breath, as not to be rude*

*popping sounds from shaker*