As a lonely incel at age 30 I have decided to put my natural heterosexual drives away forever. I have tried numerous times to attract a female, yet I have failed miserably over and over again. We live in a society and world where women simply reject men who are under 6.0 and not good looking. I am 5.1 and have decided to finally put my life as a straight male away. This Friday I will go on my first gay date ever and for once feel that Im special and needed. I cant live anymore with masturbation and making love to pixels on a screen. I want to feel someones body towards mine and be stimulated in a way that makes me feel alive, cause all my life I felt dead. I dont know how a gay date looks like but since we are all humans I guess we can still comfort each other both sexually and romantically. The saddest part about all of this, is that Im a straight male longing for a LOVE that will never come my way. I’ve been thinking about this for the last 2 years and now I say fuck it. I can might as well go full 100 % gay and atleast know what it feels like to have sex and not being a virgin anymore. Sorry for expressing myself with so much pain but I am actually crying right now as Im writing this. Hope you understand that I needed to vent and that maybe my life will somehow have a better meaning. Good luck with everything in your lives and I hope you’ll find someone to love one day as well. Goodbye.