Kerosene, tensile twine, incendiary explosive devices. Should you require essential commodities, such utilities shall be exchanged as your collateral possessions, my compatriot, inasmuch as you, the principal consumer, acquiesce the proper amount of monetary units to the indicated financial compensation.

My sincerest apologies, Link, but I cannot forbear a negative fiscal amount and therefore must withhold my merchandise. Please return upon the acquisition of a substantial positive balance.

Credit to u/wip9