People of reddit, what is the strangest funny wholesome poggers keanu chungus that has ever given you 69k upvotes and a reddit platinum?

Edit: thanks for the stranger, kind gold

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from u/walmartofficial
Once while i was posting my 2 tons overweight cat on r/chokers, I got a call saying to meet someone at the local chungus market. I put my cat in the car with my forklift and headed on over. He said that he would sell me 69k upvotes if i convinced obama to give him one of his prisms. I accepted, and went to the white house right away.
I met obama there, and asked for one of his finest prisms. He said that before he could do that i must extract keanu essence from a wholesome pog. I went to the pog mines, and bought myself a pogchamp. I donated 420 dollars to queen poki which caused the pog to vomit out some wholesome keanu essence. I traded this for the prism, and headed back to the chungus market.
The chungus dealer took obama’s prism and gave me my prize: the coveted cock and ball torture device. I flew over to amber heard’s house to teach her a lesson, but forgot the biggest detail: amber heard has no cock and ball. My disappointment being immeasurable and my day being ruined, I sadly headed home. At least my morbidly obese cat on r/chonkers now had 69k wholesome updoots.

Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Thanks for the gold!
Edit: Thanks for 420k upvotes!
Edit: my wife left me
Edit: Thanks for the gold!