**If I could get augmented?**

I’d install a waste disposal in my asshole

**Why waste disposal?**

It’s versatile for a number of reasons

1. It’s a defence mechanism, like the octopus of the sea if someone seeks to deliver harm unto my asshole I can enable it with the swift puckering of the lips. Shredding all phallic objects that seek to penetrate my one way street
2. I will never have to worry about wiping again, saving money and resources on things like toilet paper when I can just let my asshole rip beyblade style.
3. It’s a quick method of destroying sensitive materials I may carry upon me, say I’m in class and I’m handed a usb device containing terrabytes of CBT porn. I can ensure it is destroyed in under 0.5 seconds with a quick slip up the backdoor.
4. It can destroy any inconvenience I sit upon, someone left a thumbtack on my stool? Well guess what it got shredded like the blonde bimbo in a horror movie, son.

**What if it malfunctions?**

Well then I’ll have the misfortune of my shits coming out like a playdough press but that wont hamper my abilities to work on a day to day basis, say if I had augments in my eyes? I couldn’t see. If I had wings, I’d be carrying around needless weight.

With the waste disposal asshole (WDA) The worst thing I have to deal with is misshapen shits from time to time.

**In conclusion**

The only thing to fear with the waste disposal augmentation asshole is that a hacker may one day find a way to remotely activate it, at worst you’ll have your ass buzzing in public which you can simply pretend it’s your phone. Wings? X-ray vision? Swiss army limbs? Miss me with that shit

 Spin to win ladies and gentlemen, spin to win.