M’Lady

*Tips Fedora*

Plz allow me to offer my services as a gentle sir. I will protect and cherish that maidenhood. I see women as humans, I see their eyes over their breasts. You will be my Queen and rewarded for the valiant effort. On our wedding night, your vagina will meld to my penis, and mine alone. A night of unrequited coitus to be provided by me when I make you an honest Queenly wife.

*Chuckles nervously*

I am not one of those men that believes that women are objects. I will even make the sandwiches. You will not have to work, as a good gentle sir will take care of his lady. You may focus on our children. Or, if you want to work in these days of western independent *sighs* feminism, *cringe* then I suppose I can allow it. Provided family take priority.

Now, if you won’t mind, to ensure I can be the right Knight for you, I have simple questions to allow for compatibility: I require a petite, active girl. While I notice your smile first and foremost M’Lady, I must say I’m a *sneakily smiles* boobs man. I like a slim waste, and would prefer a woman more cultured in heritage, if you catch my drift *wink wink*. And wear your hair down. I’m sure we can grow it if it’s short. That’s okay. Men love long and sexy hair!

We must share the same taste in anime and other cartoons. She must be okay sharing my bed with my waifu. As I am a man who must work, and working for you M’Lady is optional, I would hope that you help my mother keep the house clean and with the cooking. It will help domesticate you for when mom and dad finally *shaking my head* decide to move out and leave the house to us, we can start breeding, and the real fun begins.

And don’t worry, this gallant knight will keep you in your place. *Talks like the Joker* You will purr for my affection, but if you displease me, I will have to fix that. *Hannibal Lector Fava Beans sound.*

Oh, how silly, of course M’Lady wants to see the fine stud behind the screen. And don’t worry, I’m not an uncultured swine. It’s not a dick picture *makes face* that I am sure you get from simping assholes. No, I am a nice guy. [Here is my picture to prove it](https://www.alamy.com/photo-of-a-fat-couch-potato-eating-a-huge-hamburger-and-watching-television-harsh-lighting-from-the-television-illuminates-the-dark-room-image270424475.html?pv=1&stamp=2&imageid=82909D5C-6006-4AAE-81CB-7E3943194803&p=255710&n=0&orientation=0&pn=1&searchtype=0&IsFromSearch=1&srch=foo%3dbar%26st%3d0%26pn%3d1%26ps%3d100%26sortby%3d2%26resultview%3dsortbyPopular%26npgs%3d0%26qt%3dfat%2520slob%26qt_raw%3dfat%2520slob%26lic%3d3%26mr%3d0%26pr%3d0%26ot%3d0%26creative%3d%26ag%3d0%26hc%3d0%26pc%3d%26blackwhite%3d%26cutout%3d%26tbar%3d1%26et%3d0x000000000000000000000%26vp%3d0%26loc%3d0%26imgt%3d0%26dtfr%3d%26dtto%3d%26size%3d0xFF%26archive%3d1%26groupid%3d%26pseudoid%3d%26a%3d%26cdid%3d%26cdsrt%3d%26name%3d%26qn%3d%26apalib%3d%26apalic%3d%26lightbox%3d%26gname%3d%26gtype%3d%26xstx%3d0%26simid%3d%26saveQry%3d%26editorial%3d1%26nu%3d%26t%3d%26edoptin%3d%26customgeoip%3d%26cap%3d1%26cbstore%3d1%26vd%3d0%26lb%3d%26fi%3d2%26edrf%3d%26ispremium%3d1%26flip%3d0%26pl%3d) Aren’t I sexy, kitten. *Mraaw*

Please send thyself back one ASAP. I would prefer a whole photo, fully clothed of course. I need to make sure you are up to my expectations after all.

Now, please understand, I would not mind or judge, I actually may find you better than the other women I am in discourse with if you should send a naked photo so I can really see what I’m working with. *Giddy laugh*

***The above was satire and probably the birth of a new copypasta. I’m so sorry, I started going and I couldn’t stop myself*** 😂