The official Reddit page for Alright Pal (of the) Mentally Retarded has become a breeding ground for sexual degeneracy. Cock and ball torture? Are you kidding me? The physical act of genital mutilation is sickening, and very un-christian. If I found my child perusing such content I would beat the LIVING FUCK OUTTA THEM and feel no remorse. And the chipmunk fellatio memes? FILTH! The youth of today are being poisoned by the ability to communicate jokes to one another on internet forums. But this, this goes a step further. Admitting to having developed such a thing. A sexual fetish for women’s underarms. You should be ashamed of yourself, you freak.

You’re sick.

I won’t stand for this anymore. Sexual deviancy is not a cornerstone for pride and reverence. You are poisoning the well of epic internet culture and cool reddit wins. I am going to buy a two dollar taser from Amazon.com and fucking abduct the homeless man outside my apartment and sell him to the warehouse at 20°44’19.3″N 156°55’25.0″W. With the money I obtain from selling his corpse, I will acquire the services of a taxi cab driver to take me to McDonalds. Here, I will buy four chinken mncuggets and one soft drink. The drink will be half coke, half diet coke. I am morbidly obese, you see, and it my doctor says that I cannot continue to refuse my medication and survive unless I cut calories.

Anyway, do you guys want anything or are you good? Just write it down in Arabic, I can’t read English. Thanks