Fellas, ladies, I can’t imagine how you all have the audacity and testicles to take the leap to even LOOK at the beauties of our planet named “girl”. I look, and my heart melts, my skin freezes, my hair stands and starts the classical ballet that only occurs in dreams of the well-educated. My eyes cannot stand to look at such beauty. Girls are like a fire in the Antarctic. A roaring volcano in Ice Age 2: Sid gets a makeover. A beautiful rose in a pile of skulls.

Fellas, ladies, how do I position my eyes upon the aforementioned? Real nigga hours. I listen to Lil Pump like the rest of ya gents, but it does not help my situation. I went up to the most gorgeous model of pure beauty the other day, tried looking at her, and of course yelled “GUCCI GANG GUCCI GANG GUCCI GANG” like any well-adjusted man of our generation. She ran, terrified. How can I, a lonely and puny soul in a vast wilderness, enact my eyes like so, when they run faster than my aimbot on cs:go may adjust? I cannot fathom.

Looking for a sage to teach me his, or her, ways. Godspeed.