Three years ago to the day I went up to my room to complete a Luigi% speedrun of Super Mario Galaxy after having two syrup crumpets and a glass of elderflower juice. Halfway through the run, I hear a knock on my door: Mario. There he was, in all his fleshy flesh. He asked to come in, and then asked me why I played as luigi. I told him that he had slight advantages that allow some skips that are not possible with mario. “NOT POSSIBLE WITH ME AHH? IS THIS NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME?” He says as he pulled a semi-automatic handgun to my face. At this point a single bead of sweat dripped from his incredibly greasy moustache; he was afraid, he wouldn’t shoot to save his life. I looked him dead in the eye and snatched the gun from the grasp of his gloved hands. Then I shot him straight through the heart with perfect precision and watched the life drain from his eyes as tears ran down his face. He dropped to his knees and I kicked his face in. He dropped dead with blood gushing from his heart and nose. I looked at his corpse, it started to flicker. Next thing I know he was back on his feet. “FUCKA YOU, 1UP MUSHROOM BITCH, WAHOO!” Mario exclaimed as he hop, skipped and jumped out of my house. I hope he doesn’t come back.