My response to her?
I first walk into the bathroom and step on each individual tile square.
I then proceed to jump over the last two squared tiles into the bathroom stall.
Once I’m in the stall I lock the door and make as much noise as possible so people know I will be using this particular stall.
I proceed to pull down my pants and handle my business.
Once I am done I count 35 squares of toilet paper I fold, then wipe.
I flush twice to make sure everything goes down the pipe.
I slam open the door to the stall. To let everyone know I am done using this stall. Whoever might want to use it may be able to.
I skip to the sink and pump exactly two squirts of the soap. I lather for twenty seconds. Do I count? No, I just sing the happy birthday song twice.
I rinse my hands and get exactly two paper towels. I fold the first one in half and pat dry. It’s not enough so I use the second one to finish the job. I then use the second towel to turn off the water faucet.
In reality, I’m actually taking a shit. But Karen doesn’t need to know that.