See now I wish that’s all it was. I don’t care if they get married. But now we got these fuckin spiders pushing their spider agenda on kids, making kids think they’re spiders too. I don’t mean teenagers either. And I know a lot of us thought we were spider-ish at that age and some of us still feel a little leggy even if we never did get to try any spider activities. The problem is these fuckin spiders convincing toddlers they’re spiders just because they like to crawl around on all their limbs all sneaky-like or they like sucking the juice out of a Gushers candy or biting people who just so happened to reach under the couch when they were hanging out under there. We all do spidery shit like that as kids. I support your right to do whatever spidery shit you want. But my fuckin kids aren’t going to no god damn public indoctrination department aka public school just so these fuckin teachers can tell them all about the joys and wonders of being a spider. That’s what your high school friends are for, god dammit. I had several spider friends in high school. I wish sometimes they coulda let me join in on their spider activities, seeing as I am myself a man of more than two legs but not necessarily eight. But holy shit man, that was then. We only talked about leggy stuff amongst ourselves and had a few teachers who facilitated that speech by getting a room after school where spiders and spider-curious individuals could have that conversation in a safe environment. There was no pushing anything on anyone. No “oh you only like webs, well you should try hiding under furniture and walking across beds right as people are going to sleep.” None of that. Just “haha yeah I remember when I was just into webs up in a dark closet. I hope nobody swats em down if they go snooping in your closet.” Times have changed, man. Can’t even enjoy stuff like guns and stock car racing without spiders assuming you’re some kind of bigot. Like bro I got extra legs. But because I don’t appreciate people going around waving their egg sacs around in public, that makes me the bad guy. Okay. I see how it is. I’ll just stick with the people who have anime girl PFPs and nazi memes. Those guys are like 99% spiders anyway.

Credit – David Ward, Facebook